Ups and Downs This week is going to be hell. Knowing that this week is going to be hell will actually help though. You know it's like when you are standing with everyone else on a sidewalk and everyone else has muddy feet because it has been raining a little and you look down and see that you are standing in three inches of mud, well that sucks. Why should you have to stand in three inches of mud when everyone else gets by so much less? Then you know that you are going to have to go an extended period of time wading through three feet of mud. Well you prepare for that. Everyone else is still on the sidewalk, but you saw this one coming, you knew it was going to be bad, and so you are prepared. That's me. I know this is going to be hell, that I am going to be exhausted by the end of the week, but I'm prepared.

Now that said, I still hate my job. Today I worked for almost 11 hours not counting my 1 hour lunch. In that time I took one 15 minute break and one ten minute break. Other than that there was only about a 10 minute lapse where I wasn't doing something while standing. I hate standing. For probably a good hour (composite time ... 5 minutes here fifteen minutes there) I was in either of two -40C freezers. That sounds cold because it is. I busted my arse getting things to be nice in the freezers and the back storage area of where I work and nobody will see it. Well of the very few people that might see it, nobody will see it and appreciate it. I had to do it though, because it had to be done. Sad thing is there is still so much more that needs to be done that I can't wrap my brain around it at the moment. I need to get it all done sooner rather than later in the week because around Thursday at noon my brain is going to be mush, my morale is going to be sagging, and my energy non-existent, and I'll still have twenty hours left in the week. GLEE!

I met a friend at Wal-Mart the other day and he mentioned that a local theater might be sans-management very soon. I was all "man I'd love to be a theater manager" and he was all "that dude rakes in the mad cash bra" and I was all like "where the hell did this dialog come from"? but you get the gist of what I'm saying. He knows some people who know some people who robbed some people (Starsky and Hutch (the movie) reference) and he said that if the big bad went down like it was expected to go down he would put a good word in for me as a replacement manager. I'm all like "Hell Yeah!" and then later I'm all like "WTF am I thinking? I hate managing people. People suck. ... but the money sounds nice". I'm such a whore.

That shows me however that I'm a rat ready not to jump ship, but to jump off my current perfectly fine ship onto a flaming barge of hate and that can't be good. What I need to do (metaphorically as a rat still) is to make like Icarus and forge tiny little rat's wings and fly from my perfectly good ship to rat paradise. Learning from the fable I shall avoid flying too high because I'd rather rust than die young.

Non-sequitur: I don't want a pickle. I just want to ride on my motor cycle.

So there I am, still hating work. It's not so bad when you know hell is upon you and you are ready, but I see that I am so going to be fatigued by the end of the week. If I had money I would treat myself to something awesome. Instead I'll just pretend I treated myself to two something awesomes.

Somehow I just don't think it is the same.  ¶ 11:46 PM 0 comments

  I'm spreading this like a venerial disease I like monkeys.

I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that
odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to
look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His
name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really
bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed.
Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at
high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the
spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:
they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead.
Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn
cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my
room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked
like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for
a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real
bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want
to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately
there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change
them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so
it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to
extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in
my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor
wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the
bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't
allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet
one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the
frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My
friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like
them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in
the genitals.

I like monkeys  ¶ 11:38 PM 0 comments

  Awesome Opossum I don't know if you know it or not, but there is a product on the market that removes chewing gum. While that in and of itself is probably not that surprising, HOW the product removes the gum is (at least to me).

Utilizing a product such as the one seen in this picture, I was able to remove a gummy substance from a cabinet by FREEZING IT OFF! Fricken A! That was the coolest thing I've seen in ... weeks. The vapor that comes out of the nozzle is cold. Well that's not too surprising except it is COLD cold. Spray your gummy item with a few short bursts of this stuff and chip the gum away. How cool is that?! It's awesome opossum cool, that's how cool it is.

Anyway that's the highlight of my life (outside of the standard highlights of life, love and family that is).

Peace.  ¶ 7:42 PM 0 comments

  Thoughts from the dusty attic of my mind My dingaling ... won't you play with my dingaling ...
Man that's a funny song ... So I haven't updated in a while other than the what color green am I thing that I used to do a lot. You know one of the things I hate about those quizzes is that they only last as long as the person wants to support the quiz. After he or she gets tired of using that bandwidth, the quiz and pictures are removed from the site or the site is removed all together and your cool little quiz link thing is a hole in the internet that all of creation can be drawn into ... like a black hole in space ... except instead of light not being able to escape, holes in the internet suck all cool from their surroundings. Even Jazz cannot escape! That's powerful mojo that we must all fight on a primal level. ... That doesn't really make any sense.

So how are you all doing? This week's accomplishments include not quitting my job!, getting a job designing a web site for a local gaming store!, fixing the Paladin specialty on my Legend of the Green Dragon site!, and doing some minor maintenance for my local Knights of Columbus charter. I'm NOT going to post the link to that website because I haven't done anything in a while to it and I'm very embarrassed. I have some pretty big plans in store for the site, but I still lack 100% knowledge on how to do it. That's part of biggest character flaw I think, not doing something until I'm sure I can do it 100%. Being a stupid perfectionist sucks royal ass let me tell you! Fricken frick!

Update! I still suck at Halo 2! but not nearly as bad as my friends that have never played before!

Wow I don't have much to say tonight. I really thought I could get something interesting out of just typing randomly but part monkey I seem to be not.  ¶ 11:05 PM 0 comments